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21 August 2010

"Why Spider-Man Reboot will Suck

First: Sony is repeating the same problem when they cast Tobey Maguire as Spider-man. Andrew Garfield is too damn old. He's 27 years old playing trying to play 15 or 16 year old. All the makeup in the world isn't going to make him look like a teenager. Even when the tried to de-age Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan it looked fake.

We (the audience) overlooked it the first time because nobody ever brought Spider-man to life so damn perfect. The last live action Spider-man took place in the 70s and when he would shoot out his too obvious silly string canister web shooter it would cut scene to bleached white netted rope being thrown from off camera on to the bad guy. To date its the cheesiest incarnation of any superhero and I have found a lot.

By hiring Andrew Garfield there saying in all of Hollywood there isn't someone under 21 that is talented enough to play Spider-Man. I ran a search as I was writing this and came up with over 20 possible candidates but only about 10 realistic look like they could pass for 15. Off Topic: What the fuck does Hollywood do to these kid to make them look so old?

Second: By rebooting the series are we going to see Green Goblin, Sandman, Venom and Doc Ock again or are we going to see other villains from Spider-Man rogue gallery. If you're not bringing back these then the rogue gallery starts to get thin. There are reasons why these are classics Spider-Man's villains.

Third: Audiences are tired of seeing the same cheap crap coming out of Hollywood. If you're going to reboot then find someone who knows and understands Spider-man. I want someone who going to give me what I love about the comics and translate that bitch to live action.

Find the middle ground and go from there. Look to the 'Ultimate Spider-Man' for inspiration. Bagley and Bendis invigorated that muth@fuck@ and made me want to read comics again. That's what I want to see from this reinvention. I want the essence of that comic on the screen not some Hollywood fucked up bu11shit version. Ultimate Spider-Man: TAKE IT, READ IT, REINTERPRET THAT MUTH@FUCK@. If not its going to suck and I'll be skipping it.

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